Ohana Hawaiian Cafe (Portland, OR)

Sandy Boulevard is a mized use street. It feels a little grimy and eclectic. I guess it what is a neighborhood feels like as it begins to gentrify. In the span of 50 blocks there are sanctuaries to worship the virgin Mary, used tire stores, Vietnamese law offices, strip joints across the street from nondenominational Christian churches and reasonably priced houses for gainfully employed 20-somethings. And there is good food, even the best Thai in the city.
Speaking of good food there is a new Hawaiian place, Ohana, smack dab in the middle of Sandy. It's next to one of the two unoriginally named Pho Oregon. The warm orange and yellow walls were a great relief after another day of floods and landslides. Somewhat original medium-format pictures of tropical (presumably Hawaiian) content hang around the restaurant. It's likely one of the owners will great you and explain how to order (at the register, then pick a seat and wait for your food). My Kalua Pig was good--shredded pig with some greenery, good lomo salad and rice. Nice size portion for $8. Carley had the Teriyaki Chicken and Beef Plate. Tasty. Service was cheerful and fast. They serve shaved ice with ice cream, which is allegedly the way locals eat it in HI. We wouldn't know because we were too daft to find a shack on Kauai that served it that way. Next time we will find it, though, good lord willing. Good place to eat. Nice neighborhood cafe.

Ohana Hawaiian Cafe

Hungry Tiger (Portland, OR)

Since I got married I haven't been frequenting dive bars as much. I'll occasionally go to Hung Far Low if I'm seeing a show at Roseland but other than that I mostly go to more brightly lit places. My tolerance for smoke has also gone down. I've never had a huge problem with it, and a couple people smoking doesn't bother me. The problem is when a place has had smokers for years and not opened a window. Where the nicotine makes the walls sticky with crave-forming cholesterol.
That being said, I recently visited a new-to-me place. Obviously I am the last person in Portland to go there but I thought I would include it as the "Best place to get a drink before seeing a movie at the Laurelhurst."
This place is straight up disgusting. Like the scene from Fight Club where they are procurring fat from the plastic surgery clinic and bag gets caught on the barbed wire and Edward Norton ends up showering in lipid loveliness. So why go? $4 pitchers. $3 Sapphire and tonics. $.25 pool. Just wash yourself when you leave. There was some unidentified stickiness on the outside of my glass. I'm not suggesting they don't meet the health codes, but why risk it? And you can't find a Sapphire and tonic cheaper than that anywhere. This bar was left out of the NYT article about innovative Portland eateries. Must have been an oversite.

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Worst Restaurant in the World

The contest seeks not the most mundane or humdrum chain restaurant dining experience. I want to find the worst restaurant in the world. Sumbitches Submissions should be sent to me via email or comments to this post. Photographic evidence or regulatory documents that support claims are also gladly accepted. Entries should run be shorter than a college entrance essay. Haiku are acceptable but not encouraged.

Local Ocean Seafood (Newport, OR)

This new restaurant in the Newport, on the Oregon coast, is the perfect antidote to the shlocky seafood places in this tourist trap seaport*. Bright white walls and clear garage doors let in what little daylight you'll find on the coast this time of year. The food, caught fresh, can be traced back to the fisherperson who caught it by the tags in the case. You won't find fried fish and chips on the menu. Here they're grilled. The Los Fish Tacos have different fresh fish daily. Easily the best fish taco I've ever had a bite of. The salmon burger tastes fresh and not fishy. Instead of chowder try the Roasted Garlic and Dungeness crab soup. You won't be sorry. Great selection of Oregon beer and wine, all by the bottle. Couldn't ask for more.

The only complaint I had was the 80's light rock playing over the speakers. Carley told me that some people like that sort of thing, though. Not a piece of salt water taffy in sight. This place would be right at home in Portland (pick whatever hipster neighborhood you like the most).

Local Ocean Seafood

*This means you, Mo. I've had enough of your crap shrimp on salad. Enough of your clam chowder. Enough cutesy seafarer paraphanalia. Sell it to those WA tourists.

Oba (Portland, OR)

The itty bitty little candles at Oba are just not going to stay lit if you're half as good on a date as I am. My date blew them out a total of three times from laughing at my lame jokes. I think she was laughing at me. It might have been the half price bottle of wine actually. The wine list at Oba is extensive and interesting, but honestly I was expecting more cheap Chileans being a Quasi-Latin Restaurant. Most the wines were from Nappa and Willamette Valleys. The atmosphere is pretty trendy sophisticated being in the Pearl and all, but I am afraid I can't agree with City Search's description of it having pretty people. Pretty decor yes, but my date and I were clearly the best looking people there. Then again Portland has always had a different (see "obscure" "insane" or "wrong") view of what is good looking.

So we went for happy hour because its supposed to be just amazing on Sundays. The waitress we had was super nice and very attentive as was the girl shadowing her. The service here is second to none. I always feel bad about the shadowee like I should be directing some sort of instruction to her instead of the shadower, like that will help her learn or something, but I ended up ignoring her for the most part, something about the term shadowing makes me feel like I'm not supposed to notice them. Anyway, the waitress was very helpful in explaining how best to exploit the obviously infamous Sunday happy hour deal(s), but I still managed to spend $75 on 2 people. I have heard other people say even though the deals are good the prices are overly high to begin with so I guess I would recommend NOT going to Oba on a day besides Sunday. Also just to get the other bad point out of the way I guess people have said the staff can be pretentious and choose who they are going to be nice to. They were nice to me and my date (probably because of her) but I could see how that would turn one off to the place as well.

So I get a bottle of wine for half price to start. In order to get it for half price you have to buy an entre with no deal associated with it other than that. The waitress said to split one and then get two items off the happy hour menu. We obliged. We ordered a butternut squash enchilada with mole sauce and curiously topped pomegranate seeds on top. Very tasty. Also got calamari with a really good honey ginger dipping sauce and then we just had to try the jerk flavored Salvador-Molly-like hurricane fries. Yeah, wine goes well with all this right? Should have gotten the margarita in retrospect as I hear they are super good--next time. The Spanish coffees were very strong and made up for any lack of alcohol consumption we may have missed from not getting the ritas.

Also next time I will have to bring a non-vegetarian date. I don't eat red meat either, but there were a few chicken and pork dishes I wanted to try. Why didn't you just order one you ask. Well because 1) I always feel bad ordering meat on a vegetarian date and 2) I wanted to try and conform to the aforementioned happy hour plan of attack and needed to split a entre.

Apparently Oba was the hot spot in Portland MONTHS ago (okay maybe years ago). WTLW Bryan. But I still thought it was a pretty cool place. I will be going back - on a Sunday obviously.

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--Thanks Bryan.

Why is it called "Best in Portland"?

Good question. The idea is to create a brief index of fun things to do and places to eat all over the country. I wanted to work on something that would guide people to things I like all over the country. That title is less compelling, though, so I went with what you see on this page. I plan to start covering Portland. I have an intrepid gumshoe working on a review of Oba. Maybe even a review of Farm. If you've found this little project feel free to write in with your favorite spots in your vicinity. It has focused on food so far but can include anything that is interesting and has an address. With any luck we could create an international neohipster monoculture. Cross your fingers and click your ruby slippers together.

Soon: A contest to determine the worst restaurant in the world. Think of possible candidates--there will be a prize.

House of Nanking (San Francisco, CA)

Two friends took me to this tiny place on my first night in the city. We must have looked confused as we browsed the menu because the waiter took them from us and brought out several plates of food. The best part was the crispy beef straganoff noodle dish. Great food and cheap!

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This rounds out my epicurian tour of San Francisco. Thanks to all involved, especially those people who covered the bills.

Rubicon (San Francisco, CA)

Welcome to Robin, Robert and Francis' restaurant. That is Williams, DeNiro and Coppola. After the scariest cab ride of my life my parents and I alighted in front of Rubicon, a dim sum toss from Chinatown. We were able to score last minute reservations for the early shift of dinner. The restaurant is narrowish and tall. Townhousey. The wine list represented some fine OR pinot. The menu featured seafood and Frenchish cuisine. Everything was wonderful. The desert was the most memorable--a crepe filled with creme and berries, topped with pumkin ice cream.
The reason this dive doesn't earn my favorite restaurant in SF tag is the price. Entrees run about $30 each. Not a place to eat on any semblance of a budget. It is like expensive wine. I remember the first time I had a taste of $125 burgundy. I hoped that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between that and the $15-$40 bottles. I could. It was better in every way. That is the difference this type of restaurant represents. A must if you are living large on the expense account. There is a pre fix tasting menu for $75. It's a nice way to try a little bit of everything. Make sure to speak with the sommelier. It's fun to hear someone speak so passionately about wine.

here & here

Slanted Door (San Francisco, CA)

This was the best place I ate while I was in SF. If you are in town call ahead and get a reservation. Used to be deep in the heart of the Mission, but recently relocated to the Ferry Building. The new digs are beautiful. Great view of the Bay Bridge and random homeless clowns*. But the point is the food. I heard about the restaurant on the Splendid Table. The woman of three names was interviewing the founder. Sounded savory so I made reservations before I left for the SF. I was able to eat there twice. Lots of standard Vietnamese fare with a focus on fresh, local produce and meat. Each dish had distinct, vibrant flavors. Dishes come family style. Don't skip the imperial rolls or the fresh rolls. The pho is nice. The seafood is the best part of the menu, though. None overpowers. I was worried that the cellophane noodles with dunguness crab meat would be too crabby. It wasn't. Wish I could elaborate more, but I won't. Go try it. Lunch is probably your best bet for reservations and value. Dinner prices are a little more spensive.

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*I'm really not making fun of the homeless. We saw the same weirdass clown on a scooter at the Ferry Building, Pier 39, and Union Square. It was suspect. I resisted the urge to push him into the path of a street car. I can't support violence, though. Or the weirdass.

North Beach Treats (San Francisco, CA)

Mario's Bohemian Cigar Store Cafe
This corner cafe's name is either horribly pretentious or kitchsy and perfect. Or something else. The most important aspect to consider is price. Entrees are less then $10. Carley's lasagna wasn't good, but my entree was.. Too bad the name escapes my memory...a crepe thing filled with lamb and beef and covered in marinara. Great place for basic Italian food at a hard-to-beat price in the city. Two entrees, salads, and glasses of wine--$38.

Stella Pasticceria e Caffe
A nice place to follow your cheap Italian grub. Great cannoli, cookies, cake, coffee, and other things that don't start with "c".

Caffe Trieste
Famous coffee place. Coppola write scripts here. Lots of famous people on the wall. Also has good coffee. Close to City Lights.

Hana Zen (San Francisco, CA)

Another sushi posting. This place was excellent, though. The chefs are very Japanese looking. This usually means good sushi. In this case it did. A $30 tasting menu gets 6 pieces of sashimi, 3 pieces of nigiri and two rolls. The fish is great--probably the best I've ever had. The salmon (sake) was so good I had to have more. It was like fish butter. I mean that in the best way. The fish was almost like jello. But fishy. The restaurant is on the second floor and has big windows facing two streets, so it is an excellent place to people watch.

here & here

Maybe I'll eventually get around to writing about things in Portland.

Mas Sake, Mas Hangover (San Francisco, CA)

Met up with my cousin Isaac for some merrymaking. He took me to this nicely designed sushi bar called Mas Sake. It advertises "Freestyle Sushi." That is a pretty stupid thing to say. The sushi is decent, though, with some creative rolls. The only reason I'm writing this place up, though, is the restaurant was my first exposure to Sake Bombs. A sake bomb is a rocks glass with some champagne and red bull with a small sake glass balanced on two chopsticks sitting on the rim. To get the shot of sake into the glass you hit the table until the shot falls into the glass. Isaac, his roommates and I got a little excited and also knocked over three beers and the pot of soy sauce. I managed to catch the soy sauce in my lap. Maybe that round should have been called the Nagasaki Bomb. Nothing like a lap full of soy to know that you are going to have a good night. The four of us did another 4 or 5 of them. I think. Not sure. The next morning was pretty rough. So, remember that this is something that is best done in moderation.

This place is really trendy so expect to wait or stand unless you get there early. There are cheaper places to eat, but this one is thoroughly decent and has good music. I guess the only reason I am writing it up is to use the title "Mas Sake, Mas Hangover."

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Picaro Tapas Restaurant (San Francisco, CA)

My friend Tracie recommended a sushi joint in The Mission, her old neighborhood. I utilized the convenient public transpo and found the block where the restaurant is supposed to be but couldn't find it. I had the address and it wasn't there. Tracie told me that there was a trick to find it. I tried clicking my heels together but that didn't work, so after cruising the mean corner (Mission and 17th) I took off in search of other treats.

I found Picaro Tapas Restaurant on 16th (3120 to be exact). It was kind of busy, which I took to be a good sign. I got a table (yes, a loser sitting by himself). The place looks nicely Spanish, with all types of dorky decorations. Nice effect. It is in fact so Spanish that every half an hour they throw a match into a bag of fireworks, everyone hits the deck, and they blame ETA. Even scarier was the girl who looked like Liam Gallagher. Luckily the menu is not nearly as scary.
But seriously. The food is good. Started off with a gazpacho and French bread with a spicy dipping sauce. Followed this with jamon Serrano on baguette slices and fried halibut with homemade garlic/mayo sauce. Good good good. Total damage $27, including two beers.

Check it here & here